the morning sun’s about to break, i’m looking in as you create someone, you lift your head and brush your teeth, and make your bed as if you won’t sleep again, you fix your hair and tie your shoes, and tuck your shirt and now you feel new.
the glass is full, the glass is broke, and every day dissolves and there’s no hope of ever leaving this temporary life. of ever leaving this temporary life.
you may ask yourself “is there anyone so alone?” but there’s no beep before the dial-tone when you pick it up to see who called if there is it’s probably your mom
but, oh, the rising sun brings little cheer to this city with the stolen name and you’re wondering whose bright idea it was to pack your things and leave your friends and move down here.
I find enjoyment In a clean bedroom, A glass of tea, Bike rides alone, A chilled Texas breeze, The slightest bit of kindness, The scent of fresh balsam candles, Not entirely focusing on homework, The feel of Christmas that is slowly creeping, A conversation with a friend I do not see, Good art and lovely design, New music that speaks to my soul, Alone time, Watching movies with my mother, Sitting on the front porch, Warm nightly showers Snuggling in my bed
However, any time I stop to think. Or to reminisce, I recall fond memories that I wish to revisit.
The completion of the charts in band, Laughing and joking in the mornings with friends, Evening visits to Crazy Jose’s, Midnight pick-me-ups at Taco Bell, Hugging in the mornings, afternoons, and evenings, Walking with my neighbors, Staying late after band practice just because, Helping out in the office, Playing my flute, Helping friends make it through, Smiling at friends in the hallways, Chemistry class, Being the class clown in English, Pride and self-confidence.
I am confused and I do not know where I stand. I still would take there over here any day.
I dream of being important, someone that others look up to. I have hopes of making an impact, and being an essential part of someone’s life. However, I fear that I will never do or become any of the things in my dreams.
“Such is frequently the fate, and such the stern development, of the feminine character and person, when the woman has encountered, and lived through an experience of peculiar severity. If she be all tenderness, she will die. If she survive, the tenderness will either be crushed out of her or- and the outward semblance is the same- crushed so deeply into her heart that it can never show itself more. The latter is perhaps the truest theory.”—Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter
“Because sometimes the only way to escape is to shut the door.
When the things that use to matter, don’t matter anymore.
And all your hopes and dreams lay scattered on the floor.
What you’ve created and what you know, aren’t separated, just one never-ending flow.”—
Today was both the best and the worst day in my life.
Seeing the band marching in the new uniforms, listening to how well they play, running and hugging them all. Watching them cry, holding in my tears, being covered in the sickly sweet stench of marching band. Covered in all of my best friends’ sweat. Eating lunch with them, and remembering the good old days. Smiling like a fool, being the happiest I’ve been since I moved away. Hugging, constantly hugging, and laughing, and just seeing their faces. Saying good bye, holding in the tears still. Saying I love you, and watching them leave. Still holding in tears.
Today was the best day, ever.
I wish I could see them every single day for the rest of my life. I wish Sophomore year had never ended, and I would forever be stuck in a world where things were okay. I wish today never ended, and that the short time from 1-4 could be my life. I wouldn’t mind reliving those few hours over and over and over.